iABC 3G

Here we find Geek Boy in a deeply reflective state. What secrets will we uncover as he returns from a farewell luncheon at his internship? His mentor and colleagues were just talking about success in college, but then the topic somehow switched to getting their kids involved in music at a young age. Let's observe.

One thing that separates me from all of my other Asian friends is that I'm a third-generation ABC (American-born Chinese). This means that my grandparents came from China and my parents were born here in America. You've already heard about how I fit with the Asian stereotype, but I'm actually quite far from the mark. Sure I like math and science and I do well in school. However, there's much more to me than just that.

For one, I'm missing something that almost every other person I know has in them: musical abilities. Unlike all the other Asians, my parents never had me start learning an instrument when I was three years old or whatever. In fifth grade they made us learn how to play the recorder, but after three years in what I thought was a terrible middle school (more on that later), I had forgotten everything. Now, I can't read a sheet of music or play anything on any instrument. If there was a silver lining in all this, I apparently have a falsetto range higher than all of my guy friends (and some girls), but I can't tell you what the highest note I can reach is because I can't even tell what note is what.

I am, quite frankly, a student with very little motivation to do well in school. My parents already went through the whole "Asian parent smacking their child with a bamboo stick for getting 'B prus in Engrish'" phase, and they decided they would be nice to me and not do that. That didn't stop them from thinking I must have been stupid for wanting to go into a middle school gifted program after getting a B+ in (you guessed it) English in sixth grade. By the way, I went through an elementary school gifted program and made it out just fine. My parents figured that if I couldn't keep straight A's in a regular school, I would totally fail in a gifted program, so they didn't even let me take a test to see if I could enter it.

Sorry to disappoint, but from that point on, I performed horribly in school. I wasn't able to maintain even a 3.75 GPA. I got multiple B's per semester and it was obviously because I was stupid - not because I had any confidence sucked out of me and washed down the toilet with the rest of the s crap. My parents weren't the kind of Asian that motivated their kids by smacking them with a bamboo stick. They were the kind of Asian that thought they were being all American and freedom and whatever.

This is iABC 3G - the third-generation American Born Chinese. It speaks one language, English because its manufacturers didn't think it had the capacity for Chinese, and can't play any ringtones. Although it's small enough to be a portable device, it can't be - it needs a power cord because it has no motivation of its own. Purchase yours today for only -19.99! We'll even pay for shipping!